There are several websites claiming to help two individuals meet. How many of them GUARANTEE true love? One...this one. This is for men seeking women.
What you should look for...
First, does she smell. This will be your first sign that this isn't your true love.
Does she share food?
Uh oh, true love never super sizes.
Is there ever a time where she says "nanu nanu?"
It's Robin Williams. No one loves Robin Williams.
Do you find other men in her bed?
Probably someone else's true love.
Is there a large amount of stupid coming from her mouth?
This might be your true love, but probably not. Many times true love is smart, unless you're stupid. Consider, but don't propose just yet.
Does she eat your face after sex?
Looks like you're with a praying mantis. Probably not your true love.
When dinner is served, does she make it or pay?
If yes, you are on the path to happiness. At the end of the path there may be true love. Yeah!
Does she find Latin American Superstar Ricky Martin to be attractive?
Heh, another trick. It's a man. Good one.
Are nicknames involved?
Yes, great luck! True love never calls each other by real names. All names should be fake, but not sarcastic. Then you are a henchman named "Tiny".
Do sentences always start and end with "sir"?
True love is not formal. It's pj's all the way.
Is your birthday gift a funbird?
You just got a fake gift. Lies and deception do not equal true love.
Does she say "Two can play at that game"?
Mutuality is good. Love comes in two. Remember, being a couple involves two. TWO!!!!!!
Is her favorite movie "Patch Adams"?
Again, this is Robin Williams.
Congratulations! I have now solved all your romantic needs as that icy void that is your heart has been thawed and filled with a pool of fulfillment and happiness. Oh yeah, don't forget to bring the roses. Everyone loves roses, even true love (no matter how false it is). Hahahahahaha...oh the lives I have created. Good luck!
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3 comments:
Dear JasonJacobs...long time reader, first time commenter...so, my deal is that I thiiiink I've found true love but according to your article I may be mistaken. Obviously you would know better than me so let me list some of the details about our relationship, and you please tell me if I'm right or wrong...
She uses the remote control to "mute" me and/or to turn my "power off".
She rewraps all of the gifts I give her and waits until the right time to give them back to me with a card that says "let's see how YOU like it"
She makes me my favorite meals and as soon as I start eating she picks up the plate and smashes it into/on top of my head....then screams "gotcha!"
she opened all of my different DVDs and replaced the discs in the boxes with copies of Benjamin Button in every single box.
She stole all of my money and my car and hasn't returned...but every month she calls to remind me to pay the credit card bill on time
She ate my face
As you can see...she is constantly doing adorable things to make me laugh, and she always goes the extra mile to teach me life lessons and make me a better person...but sometimes, when I remember she ate my face, I feel like maybe she's a praying mantis, as you mentioned in your article that may be the case...you can see my dilemma. Please advise
your loyal reader, Lions20r
Yes, this is tricky. She clearly has a great sense of humor and most praying mantis will eat the whole head, not just the face. Hahahah...looks like she fooled you again! All seems well and good, but ONE thing concerns me. You might be a robot. Robots can't love (unless they invented an emotion chip, but to the best of my knowledge that's all science fiction). Sorry and I'd advise you to stay away from water.
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