The question of the day that Google won't answer...

Q: What's the perfect amount of Grape soda must one keep on stock in case old people come over?

A: It's a well known fact that old people love grape soda. The question is "How much?" The average old person will not readily admit to loving grape soda. Being not of age, I'm not quite sure why they avoid this obvious truth. In my conversations to get to the bottom of this, I've only run into awkward pauses and what can only be referred to as a general state of confusion. Either way, years of grape soda repression will mean that once they start drinking, they won't stop. You'll want AT LEAST 2 liters per old person. They usual travel as a couple or in flocks. This means you'll want at least 8 two liter bottles at any given time. Anything less would be just rude. Hope that helps.

GUEST BLOG!!!! Lions20r is in the BLOGHOUSE!!!

"What's your balls?"....don't wonder about it, just say it....I do

When a guy tells you "hey loserdork! get outta here!"
"What's your BALLS man?!?!"

When you get a raise but now you make about the same net salary then you did before
"Hey tiered tax bracket system! What is your BALLS right now?!?!"

When the fireman tells you "I'm just gonna let your house burn to the ground today, I'm busy"
"What's YOUR balls ...man?!?!"

When the lady with the hat screams at her kid for no reason!
"HEY!!!...WHAT...is your BALLS lady?!?!"

When a bus is parked and you don't want it there
"What is your BALLS bus?!?!"

When your mom makes you a meal that looks good but there's a rat in it
"MOM!?!? what is your BALLS lady?!?!?"

get it? i want you to understand...

it's how you ask people what their problem is. "what's your problem?" is 1980's. We all love the 80's...but let's be honest...they're so 1994.

feel free to give as many examples as you can think of for situations which deserve a "What's your balls?!"...
Lord knows we could all use them

Find True Love...

There are several websites claiming to help two individuals meet. How many of them GUARANTEE true love? One...this one. This is for men seeking women.

What you should look for...
First, does she smell. This will be your first sign that this isn't your true love.

Does she share food?
Uh oh, true love never super sizes.

Is there ever a time where she says "nanu nanu?"
It's Robin Williams. No one loves Robin Williams.

Do you find other men in her bed?
Probably someone else's true love.

Is there a large amount of stupid coming from her mouth?
This might be your true love, but probably not. Many times true love is smart, unless you're stupid. Consider, but don't propose just yet.

Does she eat your face after sex?
Looks like you're with a praying mantis. Probably not your true love.

When dinner is served, does she make it or pay?
If yes, you are on the path to happiness. At the end of the path there may be true love. Yeah!

Does she find Latin American Superstar Ricky Martin to be attractive?
Heh, another trick. It's a man. Good one.

Are nicknames involved?
Yes, great luck! True love never calls each other by real names. All names should be fake, but not sarcastic. Then you are a henchman named "Tiny".

Do sentences always start and end with "sir"?
True love is not formal. It's pj's all the way.

Is your birthday gift a funbird?
You just got a fake gift. Lies and deception do not equal true love.

Does she say "Two can play at that game"?
Mutuality is good. Love comes in two. Remember, being a couple involves two. TWO!!!!!!

Is her favorite movie "Patch Adams"?
Again, this is Robin Williams.

Congratulations! I have now solved all your romantic needs as that icy void that is your heart has been thawed and filled with a pool of fulfillment and happiness. Oh yeah, don't forget to bring the roses. Everyone loves roses, even true love (no matter how false it is). Hahahahahaha...oh the lives I have created. Good luck!