Movie of the week 5/3-5/9

Sideout (1990)

Did you ever watch the homo erotic beach volleyball scene in Topgun and think "I could watch that for an hour and a half, but can we add C. Thomas Howell?" Then you're in the right place. This week we start off with a summer movie. No, not the overblown big budget action spectaculars, but what Summer movies meant before CGI. So put your cancer oil on and let's hit the sun with the accumulation of everything that is 80's...



It's 1990 and you need an everyman lead for your beach vollyball vehicle with the hope of cashing in on half naked people having fun. Unfortunately, John Cusack is too expensive so you naturally get his generic equivalent C. Thomas Howell. He plays Monroe Clark, a law student from Milwaukee that decides to intern at his Uncle's firm (Bernie from Weekend at Bernie's) in sunny California. There is some dispute on this and I'll get to that later. He meets Wiley, some guy that rides around in a hearse and shows tourist places where dead celebrities have died. At least that's the best I can surmise from his nonsensical ramblings. Point is, this is all a cheap plot device to a) introduce Wiley b) show he's the comic relief.

Monroe's first job is to evict individuals that are past due on their rent and eventually he runs across the Zack Barnes, a former King of the Beach that doesn't believe in showers and paying his rent. Wiley takes Monroe to see the ocean for the first time. Upon hearing this news, he gets the only thought that any sane human would have "Hey, we should enter the most competitive Beach Vollyball Tournament on the planet!"

During all of this, Monroe falls for a waitress played by Courney Thorne Smith (you know, the girl from Melrose Place. Remember, she was Billy's roommate and that's 25 cents, isn't it?). Anyway, Beach bum Barnes agrees to teach Monroe and Wiley thereby forming the perfect tri-fecta of idiocy. This is all great until Barnes pulls a no-show and they lose a practice match. Soon after, Monroe must go to court (under his Uncle's practice mind you) to evict Barnes. We think he's going to do the right thing and throw this razor-free zone known as Barnes out on the street. You know, since he hasn't paid his rent in months. This is where the movie takes our expectations and laughs with malicious intent. Monroe announces to the court a loop hole (some nonsense about there only being 28 days in February so he didn't have a full business month from the time he received the notice to pay). Scumbag Monroe puts his Uncle's ENTIRE firm in jeopardy for malpractice for reasons I'm still not sure about. I know we're supposed to think the Uncle is the bad guy because he evicts people and is a lawyer, but is it that wrong to ask people to pay rent. This is the underlying genius of the entire movie. We're pretty sure how we're supposed to feel based on what the movie is telling us, but it just doesn't make sense based on what is ACTUALLY happening. It makes us complicit with the villains using the 80's template of niche romantic comedies. This dichotomy creates a moral dilemma that went over most viewers heads when the movie was first released. Even the name, Sideout: when the team that served the ball makes a mistake, causing the ball to go to the other team. This illustrates Monroe's fall from grace of the working world as he becomes one with the beach. If you don't want to enjoy it for the subtle layers of cinematic gold, then watch it as the cinematic equivalent of white noise meets bubblegum.

The standout performance is C. Thomas Howell. Remember I told you about the dispute at the top. That's because I always thought he played for the Milwaukee Bucks. That's stupid, I know, but at the beginning of the movie Wiley Coyote ask him "What do you do in Milwaukee?". Monroe responds with "I play basketball". Wiley Coyote ask "For the Bucks?" and Monroe responds with "Yeah, for the Bucks." For years, I was confused why a NBA basketball player wanted to work at his Uncle's Law Firm for the summer. Then again it was the Milwaukee Bucks. They are the NBA's version of the Mendoza Line and this was an 80's movie, so I accepted it. Re-watching the movie years later my roommate at the time and I had a long conversation about this. Sure this seems obvious when reading the lines on paper it was a joke, but everything about the delivery said he wasn't joking. Plus who responds with "What do you do?" question with "I play basketball." You also must remember, this is Sideout. Don't take anything at face value and the line is said in a "Is it that impossible to believe I play for the Milwaukee Bucks?" tone. My roommate agreed but there is no way he actually plays for the Bucks, right? Though if he played for the Bucks, it would justify Wiley's plan to enter the beach volleyball tournament since he's a world class athlete. 45 minutes later we agreed it was a joke, but it still seemed off. That's when came up with our working theory that "C. Thomas Howell doesn't understand sarcasm." The movie makes so much more sense once you understand this. Almost every line could be taken as a joke, but we would never know it.

Some people did drugs to turn there brain off, I watched Sideout. I've probably seen this movie 50-60 times. There are NINE montages (one every ten minutes by my count). It also contains one of my all-time favorite scenes when Monroe walks down the street and you can just about watch the director say "Cue the roller skater. Cue the jugglers. Cue the girls in bikini's." It was the moment where I realized I was watching a movie. It was somewhat of a awakening for me and I could appreciate movies beyond how "good or bad" it was. Now I could laugh with AND at movies. This "Bad Movie" technique has a long and illustrious history starting with "Plan 9 from Outer Space", highlighted by the brilliant Mystery Science Theatre 3000, and later perfected by "Batman and Robin." That's another part of this movie's greatness. There is pure transparency and literally no shame. It's not like we don't know what's going on, but at least be slightly discreet. It's like cheating on your wife and telling her "I'm going to work late tonight and have sexual intercourse with my mistress." Here's the movie equivalent...

Top Gun (1986)


Sideout (1990)


I can't recommend this movie enough. If you want to bask into the excellence of the 80's, then do what Monroe Clarke would do. Screw your family over and spend the summer watching Sideout.