What has my brother been up to...

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Sean Taylor

RIP 1983-2007

This one hurts. He was one of my favorite University of Miami players. I really don't care if he deserved it, it was an accident, or it was self defense...this is terrible news. True story, my brother met his mom and brothers at the mall (they were wearing Sean Taylor jerseys) and he said he was a fan. She said to come by the house. Later in the week my mom did and she actually followed through. There's that nice story and the fact he was also on his way to becoming one of the greatest safety's of all time. This is the worst death of a person I didn't know personally since Mitch Hedberg. This truly sucks.

Really Bad Pep Talks....

The first guy to say "There's more than one way to skin a cat!" was probably just trying to help. Of course he only managed to scare and quite frankly disturb his friends.

I'm the next Quentin Tarantino (but with better plotlines)

Announcers really need to stop comparing young, collegiate/newly turned pro players to legendary proven all stars. Now I don’t mind you saying a player is in the same mold, but going overboard is just annoying, destroys any credibility you have, and makes me do this face (you can't see it, but you know the face. It's the same face you get when you got Power Rangers the video game for your 16th birthday). Nothing is worse than having a player described as Kevin Garnett but with a better shot. It also lowers the status of great players. Why can’t you compare him to a former collegiate star like Derrick Coleman (even that is probably a little bit much) or a black running quarterback to Steve Young? Notice how nobody gets compared to Jason Kidd (because he is beyond color). Why can't you compare players to David Carr or Bobby Hurley? Just because they were pro bust? I was watching college football and I want you to play a little game. Who am I describing? He has Tom Brady’s looks, Peyton Manning’s arm, and he plays the game like Brett Favre. If you said God on a good day, you would be wrong. No, I would be talking about the man, the myth, the legend....Matt Ryan (read the sentence description again for full effect). This has been going on since I can remember sports. For some reason Grant Hill, Jerry Stackhouse, and Harold Miner aren’t the next Michael Jordan despite how many times I was told they would be. So I put together this little mathematical equation. Anyway, you can just plug in the race and skill set and you too can sound like a moron.

White QB that wins without doing anything spectacular = Congratulations, you have the "calm pocket presense" of Tom Brady. Look how "cool you are" in the huddle.

Black QB = Anyone but Peyton Manning or Tom Brady (probably Michael Vick)

Quick running back that made two people miss on one play = The next Barry Sanders (if you are over 5-10 you are Barry Sanders but stronger)

Black Running Back that makes a second effort = Way to try hard future Hall of Famer Walter Peyton.

Tall Wide Receiver that can jump = You too can quit on a team that isn’t winning just like Randy Moss

Play Mid Linebacker and lead the team in tackles = That's right, because you lead Mid-Tenn State in tackles and are on your way to tackle number 14 for the game... you're Future All NFL team Ray Lewis

White Basketball Player over 6-5 = NBA legend Larry Bird (If you can dunk, you are a more athletic Larry Bird)

Point Guard that takes the ball hard to the hoop but doesn't have a jumper = Yep, you’re Dwayne Wade. You also have his desire, heart, and there is probably "no give up" in you. Prepare to "will" your team to a victory.

White Point Guard = 2 time MVP Steve Nash (if the announcer is 30-40) John Stockton (if the announcer is 40-50) Bob Cousy (if the announcer is 50 and older).

Finger Roll on any play = That out of control finger roll just made you the next Hall of Famer George Gervin.

Any European Player 6-10 and over = A much less soft Dirk Nowinski (for some reason they're never Darko)

Any European Player under 6-10 = Manu Ginobli (occasionally you'll get the old school Detlef Schrempf even though he was more of a shooter. Bonus points for the announcer if they give you a Sarunas Marciulionis)

Black, gets double digit rebounds, and scores more than 7 a game = Ben Wallace with more offense

Black, long, gets a steal and can dribble some = A more developed Scottie Pippen

White Player that gets rebounds = Unfortunately Kirt Rambis isn’t good enough so you’re just feisty.

I could go all day, but you get the point. So please, when the Dolphins get the first pick in the draft don’t tell me how Mcfadden can catch like Marshal Faulk, run like Adrian Peterson, and has Ladanian Tomalson’s nose for the endzone (plus we're taking Dorsey and he's the next Warren Sapp.)

Black Friday

Let me set the scene. Imagine taking five high school kids. Give them a multi-million dollar store and tell them to deal with the biggest shopping day of the year. The result, my Black Friday experience. So I did the whole Black Friday thing. I'm normally not into such things. I get it though. If you like to shop, then it's the Super Bowl of shopping. I prefer to not usual do stuff that requires effort. The only time I've ever woken up and did something like this was to get a Wii. I mostly did that because I didn't want Stupid Mike to have one and not me. A TV is just not worth it (plus I don't have any money) but there was one that was such a good price that I would deal with the financial repercussions later. Also why not? Right? Let me tell you something about the double edged sword that is "Why not?" I woke up at 4:45 am and go to Circuit City. My PRIMARY goal was to get Burger King breakfast (which closes at 10:30 am) I stand in the TV line for 2 hours and 40 minutes (15 minutes of which were in the cold outside). Finally they run out of the TV's. My favorite part is the amazing irony of how they are creating the line WITH THE TV'S. Yeah, they kept the TV's in the boxes and that's how they formed the line. So they sold out. Then the girlfriend and I have to go to the regular line. So we're in line for 40 minutes and have bonded with the people around us. It's kind of like when you are a kid and you basically have to be friends with people who have the letters in close proximity to your last name. Fortunately, they were nothing like stupid Mark Apple. So I decide to see what's going on in the front of the line... and who do I see...the people from the TV line that have been moved over to the regular line. You can either choose to sigh, laugh, or start throwing punches. I would just like to point out that if enough people are given this option eventually someone is going to throw punches. Anyway, I chose to sigh and went back to my place in line. It's been four hours at this point (9:00) and the line was at least another hour and a half. We couldn't leave because the girlfriend needed to get some presents for her parents. Now it was all about Burger King. Fortunately, I talked to the manager and he told me I could buy my stuff in the radio department. He said it like it was obvious. Oh, you mean I don't have to sit in the 2 hour line. Obviously, I'm an idiot. So our group went over there and that whole process took about 10 minutes.

Final Results of "Black Friday":

Woke up: 4:15 am

Got to Circuit City: 5:00 am

Waited in line: 4 hours and 20 minutes

Got: The Office Season 2 $12:99
The Constant Gardener $3.99
Miami Vice $3.99
Good Night, and Good Luck $3.99
A History of Violence $3.99
Dawn of the Dead $3.99
Burger King breakfast $11.02

Was it Worth It: Well, I've already seen The Office and didn't really want any of the movies I bought (I had to re-buy "A History of Violence") and I also only saved about $20 on the movies, BUT I woke up early enough for Burger King Breakfast. So...NO of course it wasn't worth it and this only confirmed everything my step-father always said about me. Then again, I should've known maybe it wasn't the best idea to go out on a day called BLACK FRIDAY. Anyway, there's NO WAY this day could get any worse. Now it's time to sit back and watch "Miami Vice".

Happy Thanksgiving!

I love football and having the day off, but I'll say it "The food is over overrated." Do you disagree? When was the last time you had turkey, mash potatoes, and cranberry sauce? Probably last Thanksgiving. There's a little stuffing with your turkey for you to think about. Go Lions, Cowboys, and Colts! Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just thinking about 80's tv....

I may be wrong, but was the whole point of Smurfs that Gargomel wanted to eat them? Maybe it's just me but I wouldn't find a rare species of magical blue people and say..."Man, you know what I bet would taste really good..."

I do remember Tricky Smurf. Possibly the greatest fictional character ever. He was the Smurf that would give you a present and it would explode in your face, then he would laugh obnoxiously. Two things a) that's hilarious b) if you get a present from someone named Tricky Smurf AND he's been known to give exploding gifts AND it's not your birthday...then you deserve it.