It's 4:30 am..

...and I have a paper due. What am I doing instead you ask?

Please don't ask me how I got to this video. There's a big joke at the end that makes it all worth it, trust me.

Breakfast food...

I say an English muffin is just a sophisticated bagel.

"God's Reasoning" a poem

We exist to die because
Babies constantly cry because
That noise is too high because
The TV isn't hi-fi because
"Check out your shoes Mcfly!" because
His laces might untie because
He's scared girls are nearby because
His throats dry because
It's hot in July because
The sun likes us to fry because
Hippies love to dye because
People enjoy to decry because
Mommy and Daddy have to go bye-bye because
An old enemy has become my new ally because
People love to decry because
We were not meant to comply because
The second born isn't always a retry because
I love sci-fi because
I am a fan of that George Lucas guy because
The end is nigh because
Okinawans invented the sai because
I said so. That's why!

You thought you were going to get another joke or blog about race. Well there is another side to me friends and I think we've learned three things from this poem:
1) I'm incredibly deep
2) I like Star Wars
3) Asians are the reasons why we exist.

MY TOP TEN FAVORITE WHITE PEOPLE!!!!

Oh white people. You've had so much fun rampaging the world with your wacky views. In honor of manifest destiny and all it's trimmings...here are my top 10 favorite white people.

10) Christopher Columbus
First, he rides across the ocean then "discovers" America. Next he accidentally calls the natives "Indians" thinking he landed in India. I think the conversation went like this:
Chris: "So this is India."
Native American: "We don't name our land, but I'm pretty sure it's not India."
Chris: "Yep, this is India and that makes you guys...Indians."
Native America: "What if your wrong? Are you going to call us both Indians?!?"
All the other Native Americans laugh hysterically.
Now he gets an entire chapter in history books and his own holiday. This guy proof that a mistake is only a matter of perspective. For that, he cracks the top 10.
9) Little Kid from Robocop 2
He's just the coolest kid to ever live. EVER! He wears a suit and tie. Plus he curses a lot.
8) Buddy Ryan
The light bulb was invented in 1879. It took another 100 years for something to trump it. Enter the "46" defense. NFL coach and defensive coordinator that was so hardcore, he punched the offensive coordinator for not giving his defense enough time to rest. Games like the "Body Bag" game and the '85 Super Bowl are why he's number 8.
7) Sylvester Stallone
He re-fought and won the Vietnam war in "Rambo 2", defeated communism in "Rocky 4", and killed every human being in "Cobra". None of this could rival the emotional roller coaster he would put us all through in the whirlwind of inspiration and arm wrestling that is "Over the Top". Did you know: Rumor has it that several prominent psychologist of the time organized to boycott the movie because they knew Stallone could do in an hour and a half what they couldn't in several years. Unfortunately when they saw the movie, they forget what their problem was in the first place.
6) Lucas (from "The Wizard")
"I love the power glove, it's so bad." With that line Lucas Barton showed us why he's one of the greatest characters to ever grace the cinema. He's the gold standard of Nintendo players. Lucas shows off his skill to us by beating the first level in Rad Racer. That's not so difficult you say. Well he did it WITH THE POWER GLOVE! Anyone that has ever used the power glove knows this is one of the greatest achievements in human history. Special note: Lucas states to Jenny "If you ever want to get with a real man..." insinuating that he is clearly a man and not a boy allowing the kid from Robocop 2 to mantain his status.
5) Author Brown
Who is Author Brown you ask? Just Click here and wonder why you've gone so long without knowing.
4) Bruce Campbell
Simply know as "The Chin". The greatest actor in movie history constantly shows why he's a force to be reckoned with. If you don't know who Bruce Campbell is then let me help you out. Take 30% awesome, 20% genius, 35% comedy, and 15% perfection and you're still 100% away from being in the same room as Bruce Campbell.
3) Mitch Hedberg/Chris Farley/Phil Hartman
The word "genius" gets thrown around a lot. Here are three times where it's true. Three comic geniuses that were so great, God wanted them all for himself.
2) Jack Bauer
Jack has taught us much in 6 days. 1) He's always right. 2) Torture is always the right answer. 3) Terrorism doesn't pay. 4) A lot can happen in 24 hours. 5) If your daughter's name is Kim, you might want to buy cougar insurance. 6) He should be president of the universe.
1) Dan Marino
Because it's my list.

Seriously, white people rock. You keep the world guessing and for that we are all richer (well at least the white ones). I'm just joshing you guys. Thanks to you, much of the world has become much more connected and that's a great thing. Keep it up and don't go to crazy (I'm looking at you Crusades).

Not that there is anything wrong with that....

I was doing a presentation on "Systematic Desensitization" (a method to alleviate phobias). On the list, there was homophobia. We loosely throw that term around a lot. I don't think I ever really thought about it. It's an IRRATIONAL fear of homosexuals. Two points 1) These individuals LITERALLY fear gay men. The same way someone with arachnophobia fears spiders. The thought of a gay man sends shivers up their spine. That's a tough way to live. Just think about how many men you see in a day. Any of them could be gay. Your best friend, your boss, your Dad....anyone. 2) Nobody gets angry at people for being afraid of spiders. I'm not condoning hatred toward homosexuals, but I am advocating some empathy. These individuals don't need our hate, but our help. So next time you send your venom at a "homophobe", just be glad that's not your lifestyle.

WRITER'S STRIKE!

The writer's are striking. You know what, sometimes I agree with a cause (like this writer's strike thing). They seem to be in the right and as an aspiring screen writer I want to support my future peers. With that said, please don't ask me to honk if I support a cause. Some people were protesting KFC and one of them was walking around in a wounded chicken outfit with a "honk if you don't like animal cruelity." It's stupid, annoying, usually misleading, and probably causes traffic accidents. It's only use is to feed the protester's ego. A side note, that KFC was attached to a Taco Bell and I think it's in poor taste for the protesters not go the extra couple of miles to a KFC only location.

Fun fact: The last two sentences have puns directly related to KFC.

I had my first earthquake...

It's kind of like when I waited for two hours when "Tower of Terror" first opened. Cool but over way too fast. I'm not saying houses should be leveled, lives get ruined, and people die just for a few more seconds of entertainment but i do believe in living up to hype. Damn it, now I'm insulting Ryan Leaf, Transfomers, and lobster. Point is, I don't want people to suffer but I want to have fun and it seems those things always get grouped together. The end.